Konichiwa bitches

Not much planned here . . . just a spew.

I got a letter from Germany, from a girl I dated 5 years ago. It's not out of the blue. Nice to hear from her. Lots of feeling about it. None of the words.

Working at Claudia's has been good. My feet get sore though, not real bad, just annoying. Making money is good, getting the energy out is good. Meeting new people is good. Veronica is bad. That's all for mags.

I'm in a calm place now, but it's like being in the eye of a hurricane (not that I've ever really been in one) in that my center is calm, but everything is simultaneously in turmoil.
I caught myself asking for a break today, to no one at all. Just out loud. I think the most difficult thing about romance is not romance itself, but how you think about it. Hard to have intensity of emotion and remain centered. I guess that would apply to just about anything that has exceptional intensity. Thing is, with an asana, you can always back off it a little. Feelings seem to be in one mode, full force.

I have this feeling like being in a mirror room . . . not really sure which way is which and what is real and what I'm adding to the experience. So much confusion and a feeling of instability. I hope that it all calms down after I move out of this house. I wish that it would calm down now.

I am attracted to wonderful people. With spice, compassion, tenderness. But I am blank, confused, smiling, unsure, intense.

This is but one place. I think I know me, but I haven't the faintest clue. In some way that is very comforting. Just not to know.

I see others running their lives, and I see me running my life. And it's like it's just about the moments. There are these peaceful or connected moments, and then they vanish, and then they come back again. And it's worth it to stay alive for the moments.

I wish I were stronger so that I could practice more. Moreso, I wish I were willing to do the things required to be stronger. I guess, in short, I wish I had different desires. A paradox, of course, and the the problem presents itself. Not in the desires, but the attachment to them. Damn it! It always seems to come down to that.

Gassho, mutherfucks.

Damn am I SICK!

see title.

There and Back Again

So it's been about a week. What has been going on . . .

• I started a "new" job at Claudia's. It's been 3 years since I worked there, but everything seems to be coming back to me. Kind of like a never left . . . but in a good way. Although some of the work isn't mentally challenging, it gives me a good opportunity to focus on my breath and body and practice some technique. I find it pretty enjoyable.
• Applied for an apartment. *crossing fingers*
• Got up at 6am this morning and actually was alseep for a long time before that. I think that's the first time I've been up at 6 without staying up from the previous night in a long time. I can't help but find it a little depressing driving to work with my lights on. Stupid Sun . . . and gravity.
• Got a membership at the boathouse. All I have to do is turn in my $$ and death waiver. Can't wait to get back on the water. The whole month of it! >:{p

I reckon that's about it for updates. Things are seeming to go well now, and I think that living a life that is a bit more harmonious is within reach . . . if it's something you can reach. I guess more within living feasibility.

Shut up.

I enjoy spending time with people I enjoy.