I'm seeing Dane Cook, live, in a couple hours. He's funny, and likes to yell a lot. We're all hoping that he makes fun of Becky. Oh Becky . . . Becky, Becky . . . . Becky . . . Becky. Becky Becky, Becky . . . Becky Becky. If he doesn't make fun of you . . . well, don't drink the water, ho.

In a way, Becky is our greatest teacher. There's a saying in Zen that "if you're going to do something, do it fully." I'd like to share a little story: A man, during an Aikido Keiko (class), discovers that there's a mosquito givin' him the 'ol buzz in yer dang ear technique. So, he swats the shit out of it, and it falls to the mat, half-dead, twitching around, more confused than anything. It just so happens that the instructor sees all this happen. He walks over to the man, gazing at him, then stoops down and with the utmost tenderness, gently he picks up the fallen insect and places it carefully in is palm. Then, the calm of practice is broken with a large WHAP as the instructor slams his hands together. He holds out his hands to the man, showing him what is now just a green smear on his palm. He smiles and says, "see, do it fully."
And so I think of Becky. If you're going to be a heinous bitch, then be the best heinous bitch you can be. Becky, we have much to learn from you.

It means everything to me

If we said what was on our mind or in our hearts, our whole reality would be different.

There would be more tears shed and more honest laughter. Sarcasm may vanish.

We may not be so numb. Our joy would reach to the sky, and our pain would pierce deep in our hearts. But when we died, we would have laughed all of our laughs, and cried all of our tears . . . and so honored what has been given to us by god.

on nature

Another thing has come to mind while thinking about these religions: Nature.

It's funny to me that we have a concept that looks like that. It's like a fish having a concept of water, and somehow seeing that water doesn't exist everywhere in the fish's life.

Wrap your brain around this: why do we have a concept of "outside" as if it's a place you can go? It really just doesn't make sense to me. I guess I'm coming from this perspective . . . can we really escapte nature? Is there anywhere that we can go, even in cities, where nature does not apply where nature does not exist? Why do we think that nature is something or someplace we can visit or observe? I think that the only thing we have ever experienced is nature. It seems foolish to think that you can go to the park to get in touch with nature when nature is what you breath, where you came from, and what you'll return to. I think all you have to do is watch the cracks in the sidewalk, and the little plants that are coming through those.

What I think is that our concept of nature is rooted in ego-centricism. All the nature buffs who want to protect it think that we're destroying nature, they have fundamentally separated human existence from a natural existence. In order to think that we are destroying nature, one must think that nature is supposed to be a certain way, usually a way that makes us healthy and whatnot. But Venus' atmosphere is poisonous, polluted if you will. Yet, no one is saving Venus. So Earth is supposed to have a certain atmosphere? Only if you want to live. And so the ego-centricism becomes apparent. One can easily see the implication, then, that extinction is not natural either.

But I say . . . how do we know? I have been one of the biggest complainers about the destruction of nature. I have hated the big companies and cities, and pollution and people and shit everywhere. Many people litter and disrespect the parks and preserves, and I was angry with them for that. But now I wonder.

Now I think that it's not so much destroying nature that gives me the bad feeling, but instead the issue seems to be interference. Things seem to happen on their own, without our help. What I think the "destruction of nature" really is . . . it's like a finger pointing to our own helplessness. If you think about it, we're not needed. Now I don't mean to be stepping on anybody's religion toes, but just look at things, what niche do we fill in nature? What is so necessary about our existence? We hunt and keep populations down, our shit fertilizes the Earth (even though we refuse to let it). I'm not saying that we're unnatural, or that we can't fit in, but it is the mindset itself, the belief that we are separate that creates the pain.

so what we see as destruction of nature, of separation from it (which is really just an illusion) is really just a manifestation of our own horrific belief that we are not needed, and that we really can't control much of anything and we are at the whim of an unpredictable, unfavoring force, that we are separate. We interfer with nature as if we could be separate from it. What we do to the Earth, we do to ourselves. If we treated a person like we treat the Earth it might feel helpless and neglected, not paid attention to . . . which I think is how many of us experience our own lives.

The funniest thing is, this horrific belief isn't even real, it's just a story that we've told each other. Experience changes all things and all beliefs. What experience tells me is that I am home, wherever I go. The Earth is always drawing me into itself.

You're either on the path or not, and yet, you cannot escape the Way.

Death is as natural to the body as taking a shit.

Gassho.

The internet is my preacher

I tried the Belief-o-matic again.

My top three:
Mahayana Buddhism
Jainism
Theravada Buddhism

After reading these, something becomes very apparant: There are illusions in every religion. My face scruntches as I read the definitions of the various beliefs that I have been diagnosed with. Ha! However, my friends the liberal quakers only got #4 this time, usually they're in the top three. I don't think the test is very accurate. I wonder how they rate these % agreements!

I do, however, like the links that they give you in each section. http://www.beliefnet.com Have fun.

Images

The following image: I am on the ground. My body is hot, especially around my face and mouth, I notice it because the ground is such a contrast, chilled. My eyes blink, trying to see, but everything is slightly blurry. It begins to clear up. I wipe my mouth, still lying on the ground, and see that my hand is now covered in blood. Just covered. It's oddly warm, as if I thought it would be appalling, but instead I find the warmth of my blood to be like the comfort of a hug. I see a large man strutting, and yelling in my direction. "You fucker! I beat the shit out of you! Yeah, next time you'll think twice about messin' with me!" While I am on the ground, and he is standing, I find no defeat in myself. As he struts around, showing off for the crowd. I call to him. "You have lost," I say. "You have lost everything." He comes back like he's going to hit me again, and maybe his friends hold him back. He says, "I'm going to fucking kill you, you goddamn pussy bitch!" I say, "you have lost." " . . . are you kidding me, I beat your ass the fuck DOWN!"
"I am on the ground. You have a disease. You have missed it all."

On the nature of Experience and Thought

FYI: if you're ever looking to get your TEFL go to http://www.onlinetefl.com or http://www.teflonline.com and get yer certificate over the net!

I am a hypocrisy radar. Big Jim lectures us on "being on time" and "taking ownership", yet he arrives and starts late more than occassionally, and reaps all control, pride, and focus from his students. You tell us we lack focus . . . on who? Mass punishments: one man forgets his music, we all get shot. I am a hypocrisy radar.

I bite my tongue. As I walk out of the sports complex, sweaty and feelin' good, I see our registrar Dicky M. I thought he might say hello. Diplomacy. I give him a half-smile of acknowledgement and a bitter "hey," just hoping he'll see through it. Put on a happy face. I will smile when I see people I like, not just people I know. I know Dick. Dick, you sonovabitch! I bite my tongue.

I am wanted. The closer we come to graduation, the more unexpected people are dropping hints that they enjoy my company. Why the silence? This was one of the things I noticed while overseas, it seems that the stuffing of emotions can be a cultural thing, and it turns out not everybody does it. I don't feel bad, but it seems a shame to me. Had I known . . . I may have spent the time with them. Ironic, many of these people don't really even talk to me when I am around. The spirit of greed. Ever trying to fulfill oneself but what is here is never interesting, because it is here. I would like to know what I do for people. It doesn't seem to me like I do anything; I'm here. I'm right here, where I have been, and now I am being noticed. Perhaps I just didn't see it before. I am wanted.

Having a social life should not be like dental work.

I used to think ki was some mystical power. I realized that it is my banana. It is my banana, and it is playing good music, hearing the birds in the morning, moving at just the right time to throw a partner, making love, that feeling you get in a seedy place, the "sixth sense," my dog understanding when I don't want to play anymore, the trees bending in the wind, an awkward pat on the back from a friend who is trying to connect, the electricity in our wires, the peanut M&M's in Natalie's mouth, my posture, the moment just before it rains, the crisp . . . open mountains, getting tired when it's dark, fondness of a pretty girl, the way I feel when I see my father, the calm on my trips to the lake and to the cemetery.
I bathe myself in it when I breathe. Ki is the language of god, ikikata. Ki is ordinary.

gassho.

Anachronistically rocking the boat of the Judeo-Christian tradition

There's a saying in Zen: "If you meet the Buddha, kill him."

I guess the Jews - 2000yrs = took that literally.

Burn.

ooooo, I feel the waves coming over the deck!


ps, if any of you want to know what the saying actually means, just ask.

die, buddha, die